I hate your face
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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