Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
