he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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