he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
