Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
