dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
