It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
