Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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