just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
