the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
