I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
