arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A+ Viking dick
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
