My sheets look like a crime scene.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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