Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
