we have officially lost it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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