dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
