I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
