toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
