Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
