I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize