This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
