but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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