I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
