I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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