Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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