I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
