"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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