Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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