I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
