Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
