how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
