tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
