Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize