peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
