We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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