my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
