Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize