At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
