Your mouth is God's brothel.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She bit a glass in half.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
