there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
