Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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