So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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