There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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