You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
