I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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