I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
