I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
