Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
