...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
