just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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