And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
