Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
