let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
