were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
