he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
