So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
