It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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