what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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