He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drake has all the answers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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