i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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