I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
