The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
