What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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