I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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