I want to make a zoo with you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
