could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
