She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
