omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cannot find my penis.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
