Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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