i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
