he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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