I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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