Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
