Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
