I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
