I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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