you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
