i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
