You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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