guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
