In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think people are normalizing furries
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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